I have never made it a secret that I self harm.
Today was/is one of those days. The deed is done, however.
They always tell you to reach out and call/talk to someone before you do it. Just likr with NA or AA or anything of that nature. Talk to someone, tell them what you are feeling, tell them what is going on in your head and hopefully they can ‘talk you done’ so to speak.
I have never been able to do that. NEVER. I self mutilation is my burden, and I dont wish to share it with anyone until after the fact.
Today I went to for place that devates from my norm, which is my arms. Today I went for my leg. A good two inch line above the knee. It is haphazard, but I dont think it needs stitches.
There are many things that brought it on. And I thought about it all morning, having my coffee, playing with my ‘tool of choice’.
In all that time, I could have called my friends, talked to my kid, called my mom. I never do it. I wait until all is quiet and do my dirty little deed, and then somehow I feel better.
And then I can talk about it. Well, not really the reason, but I can say, ‘Hey, I self harmed today…’.
So, if you know someone who is like this, or have some advice, or even an idea or two, toss them my way, or, encourage someone you know that self harms not to be like me.