Self Doubt Runs Rampant

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So, lately I have been having some serious self doubts about myself and my abilities. All my abilities…as a parent, grandparent, partner, writer, artist…

It started in November. It just started as a small inkling behind the eyes…a small thought here and there. A doubt in judgement here and there, and it just escalated.

Then I was sitting here the night before last working on something and I thought…should I continue to even try? My book is far from being as perfect as I want it. My writing doesn’t feel as smooth anymore. I have lost many followers and readers.

Should I keep my Zoe Ambler persona, all the time and work. Should I just let it go? Should I refocus elsewhere?

I am feeling very inadequate of late. Its a nagging feeling that is bringing me down more and more. I can attribute some of it to the holiday season. I always get a little depressed this time of year, no matter how well things are going.

However, I dont seem very productive. Mind you, we are all busy this time of year. This is a big book time. Here I am with the promise of a new book, yet not producing the final product.

I have family things going on that I was not prepared for.

I just have to question myself on why I keep up with things when I seem to be failing and falling behind. Am I disappointing anyone? The answer to that may leave me in tears.

I had a dream. I have talent. I am squandering it, I know. I am just not finding it within myself to chase these things. I feel so very let down.

Perhaps after the holidays I will feel better…if not, some hard decisions will have to be made.

Take care, my sweets~

Writers: Getting a little more exposure.

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In my last post, I made mention of a few website that I post my various stories, other than just here on the blog.

Its great to help build a following and fan base to broaden your readers, and, in some cases, gain the attention of agents and publishers.

To help you in this, I’m going to provide you a listing, links and my personal takes on each site.

Jukepop: http://www.jukepop.com/

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Jukepop is called a site for ‘Serials’. You post chapters, and they can be voted upon. You can make a little money, and you can even get some investors that you share your eventual profits with.

Personally, I just post there for the exposure. The posting process is a little difficult and time consuming, and then anything you post must be approved. ‘A Walk Amongst the Dead’ still has not been approved, and I can only assume because of the few profanities in the story.

Tablo: https://tablo.io/
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Tablo doesnt seem too impressive of a site. I know my profile and works do not get many looks and reads or upvotes. It is user friendly, however, and good for a little extra exposure if you can get followers built.

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/
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wattpad is extremely easy to use, but to gain a following you have to do a lot of reading and liking and following of your own to get anywhere. A lot of people have had great success with Wattpad! I am just now getting myself reaquainted with it.

Scriggler: https://scriggler.com/
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Scriggle…well…it takes some getting used to. Its easy to upload, simply copy and paste your chapters or story, but navigating groups, checking mail and comments are a little rough. I have my own group there for short story writers. Its great for building a following. And they have more than just stories. They have opinion sections, poetry, news. etc.. You can track your ranking and see how your doing in your story writing. Its cool…just a little difficult to check mail.

Bublish: https://www.bublish.com/
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Bublish is amazing, however, there is a catch. To get the most out of the site, you will have to break down and pay for it. A monthly fee of $9.99 a month, or $99.00 annually.

The site is easy to navigate, easy to post your work, and allows for ‘rough cut bubbles’ which you share via Facebook and Twitter. You choose what you want to share from the writing, and it creates a bubble all ready to post for you to your social media account. I personally like the service. Its easy to gain more followers as well, because Bublish will also make a tweets from their Twitter accounts with your bubbles and account name.

upliterate: http://upliterate.com/
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I love this site. It doesnt get you a lot of exposure, but you will get a small group of followers which will hopefully follow your social media accounts and website to see more of you.

Its super user friendly as well.

Medium: https://medium.com/
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Medium is another super easy site to upload your works to and gain a bit more of a following. People can ‘like’ and comment. Its very stream-lined and, as I’ve said, easy to use.

I have this as one of my main places to post my short stories, as I can do it super quick and without a lot of fuss.

Write Globe: http://writeglobe.com/
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This is a new site for me. I have yet to upload anything to test the waters. However, here is what I pulled from the ‘About’ page.

About Us

Write Globe is the perfect platform for every creative individuals in the world of writing, publishing and editing, who want to reach out to a larger section of the society.
Acting as the linkage between writers, poets, authors and publishers, Write Globe helps these creative individuals in showcasing their unique talent to the world. The books which are written by you will be promoted immensely on the platform of Write Globe and which will gain attention from several visitors of the website. Along with promoting the books, Write Globe also acts as an excellent base for those who want to submit their writings or articles or poetries.
Through Write Globe you can find convenient publishers and publishers too can advertise their brand’s service via this online portal. Recently book trailers have become quite popular for promoting upcoming novels and books and Write Globe has provisions for such unique book trailers on the website.
Promotional events like book launch, book signing or any other event can be extensively shared via Write Globe which will showcase your creativities to the world.

Niume: https://niume.com/
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This is one of my top favorites. It is very easy to gain a following on this site, and is so visually pleasing. You can host more than just stories as well. You can make blog entries in the ‘Lifestyles’ sphere. You can post your photos. You can show off your humor, and so much more.

I have gained a lot of recognition for the short stories I posted there recently, and a lot of excellent feedback.

Authors.me: https://www.authors.me/
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I am in love with this site. Totally. Its super easy to work with. A the extra fantastic bonus?

It links you up with Agents and Publishers in your selected genres.

You submit your work to the selection that matches what genre you have chosen for a particular book, set of short stories or poetry, and whammo…you get a response on how much time it will take for them to look at your work and get back to you.
I love this site.

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Now, this list, with the exception of Write Globe, is in reverse order of how I use them. I know, I should have mentioned that at the start.

I know there are tons of other sites out there, for writing, blogging…everything under the sun. These are my personal favorites for writing…with a smidge of blogging.

So, I hope you all enjoy, look me up, and lets get some followers a followin’!

Easier said than done…

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I have never made it a secret that I self harm.

Today was/is one of those days. The deed is done, however.

They always tell you to reach out and call/talk to someone before you do it. Just likr with NA or AA or anything of that nature. Talk to someone, tell them what you are feeling, tell them what is going on in your head and hopefully they can ‘talk you done’ so to speak.

I have never been able to do that. NEVER. I self mutilation is my burden, and I dont wish to share it with anyone until after the fact.

Today I went to for place that devates from my norm, which is my arms. Today I went for my leg. A good two inch line above the knee. It is haphazard, but I dont think it needs stitches.

There are many things that brought it on. And I thought about it all morning, having my coffee, playing with my ‘tool of choice’.

In all that time, I could have called my friends, talked to my kid, called my mom. I never do it. I wait until all is quiet and do my dirty little deed, and then somehow I feel better.

And then I can talk about it. Well, not really the reason, but I can say, ‘Hey, I self harmed today…’.

So, if you know someone who is like this, or have some advice, or even an idea or two, toss them my way, or, encourage someone you know that self harms not to be like me.

Adulting

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Yes, today was a success. I adulted perfectly, even after having a few beers to loosen me up.

The dinner was great. A restaurant I have never been to, but then, from what I hear its only been open a month or so. I was surprised it wasnt more crowded, but then again, here in the South the big Sunday dinner cooked by Momma’s and NaNa’s still reigns supreme.

The restaurant was like any other steak house these days. Peanuts that you just shell and chuck on the floor, big flat screen TVs set up everywhere playing all the sports.

The food was beyond my expectations however. I had beef tips, medium rare, with mushrooms and onion in gravy with seasoned rice and buttered corn. I also tossed in a few gator jalapeno bites with that. Sassy.

The Corona Extra was nice and cold, my limes fat and my salt…well…salty.

My dinner company was great and we all had a good time.

I since I looked like a girl today, I snapped some pictures of myself…I need to update my pages on here, since Zoe is no longer the lovely Purple Tressed Zombie Goddess that I once was. 

My niece, by the way, told me I now look like Cruella Deville.

~sighs~

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I LOOK HORRIBLE WITH SHORT HAIR!!! ~wails and snots everywhere.~

Well, tonight is a shorty, because I have to actually go to bed with the help of some Ambien. I get my lift kit put opn my truck tomorrow. ~grins with glee~


See you later, my darlings!
zoeshorthair

PS: Which pic should I use on my static pages??

Test driving Windows10…hhmm…

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So, I’ve decided to give the new Windows 10 a test drive on my laptop before I put it on my precious rig.

So far, I’m really unsure. I’ve spent the night/morning (its 3am right now) cruising around the features of Windows 10.

There are pro’s and con’s.

I am really thinking of rolling it back to my beloved Windows 7 though. It allows you a 30 day grace period to roll back without affecting anything. Very considerate of them.

I dont like the look of the window boxes at all. The tiles on the start menu are neat, but I’ve found I’ve unpinned most of them, so why bother?

I’ve been using Windows 7 since it was released on both my laptop and my rig. I think I’m die hard for it, but, I will keep playing with 10 on the lappy to see if I warm up to it. I’ll give it maybe two weeks?

I’ve been reading every available article I can find on Windows 10, seeing what other people have to say about it, as well as tips, tricks and tweaks people have discovered.

I know Windows 7 inside out.

I PHEAR CHANGE!!!

But…I’ll suck it up and give 10 a shot at least as a test drive.

Anyone else toying with it?

Any thoughts?

I’d love to hear what you all think, if your giving it a try, or if not, what your reasons are for sticking with your current OS.