Tats, Good Friends and Writing

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So, above you can see my two latest tattoos. I call them my zombknee’s. Mind you, they are still in their icky stage, right before the peel. Today, all I can say is ‘itch, itch, itch’ and ‘moisturize, moisturize, moisturize’. They itch so badly. And I had to wear pants today instead of my usual shorts because I had to adult.

However, when adulting, someone needs to speak up and remind me that that doesn’t mean I can get away with wearing a white shirt. Yes, said shirt now has a food stain on it. ~facepalms~ What makes it so irritating is that it was my final bite…right before I put my left overs in the to-go boxes. ~cries~

Said food stain came from an awesome afternoon with a wonderful friend. I had met her online years ago on the NaNoWriMo website Regional Forums. We didn’t meet face to face until the next year when I volunteered to be a Municipal Liaison. Since then, we have met, had Write-Ins and enjoy nice little sneak away lunches just the two of us.

We usually indulge in an Indian food place down in Dothan. I don’t think anyone else in my house enjoys it, so it works for me for getting a little variety. Today I actually tried a different appetizer and entrée. Go me for trying new things!!

Today I tried the vegetable fritters with two different chutney sauces, and my entrée was Butter Chicken. I usually have Samosas and Beef Biryani. I was pleasantly surprised with my choice. And my friend really helped me a lot, because decisions are not an easy thing for me when trying new things. She knows what is what, how spicy I should go, and explained what true Indian curry was. It was great. And we had great conversation. Always a good time with her, and hopefully she will be able to get back to her writing for NaNoWriMo. We both have been feeling the lulls in our work.

I am undecided on what I am working on for NaNoWriMo this year. When updating my novel page on the website, I placed up a book series I have in my head. Its erotica. Now, however, I am leaning toward a short story compilation of brand new stories. I love doing compilations. My only issue is sometimes I get sidetracked and my theme goes off the rails. I want to do a horror/thriller compilation. I have a ton of good ideas for that in my head, and it may be easier for me to focus on several smaller chunk stories than working on what will become a series of books.

Decisions, decisions.

Well, that’s all for now, darlings…be sweet!

Shopping at 4AM…

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Unless it is online, I hate shopping. I really so. So many people, chaos, crowds, crying kids. Blech.

So, this morning since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to hit up the 24 hour Wal-Mart Super Center.

Ah, it was nice. No one but workers, the only very minor inconvenience was having to dance around where they were shining the floors or heavily restocking isles.

It was wonderful. I took my time, bought things I didn’t need. (Come on, everyone needs a fake skull and full mini skeleton to decorate their desk!) I bought needed things, like cat litter! Candles…unf…I bought candles.

I also bought adulting type things. New burner plates and covers for the stove. Slippers to keep my feets toasty warm. Its been getting a bit chilly here, at least to me.

And on the way home from it all, I stopped and bought myself breakfast. A pumpkin latte and a sausage biscuit with hash brown. Yum, though the hashbrown had been sitting under the heating lamps too long. Crispy.

yesterday was not a good day, hence no post. I was very anger filled and I avoid posting on those times due to ranting. You have to choose your words carefully, because to me, one persons rants can have triggers for other people reading. So, I played it safe.

Still havent gotten my tats pictured yet. I will get my kiddo to do that for me today. They are still in an ugly state due to the peeling process settling in. They are mega awesome though!!

So, ta for now, my sweets!

A day late… and a few days off…

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Howdy!
Sorry I missed you all yesterday. Still had problems with the AC and could not stand it in here…being THAT hot in my own home makes me irritable. So I went to one of my favorite places, and that is the tattoo shop. Which, happened to be a good thing. I found out they are having a special of 25% all Halloween or horror related tattoos. So…guess who is getting two tattoos done on Wednesday. That’s right, this girl.
The AC was fixed before I got home, and I pretty much just took a pain pill and went to bed. It wasn’t a restful night, however. I was up and down at all hours, my back hurting and not being able to get comfortable.
So today has been alright. I am worried about the amount of pain pills I am taking, so I am trudging through it. The injections will be done on Tuesday, usually done in the early morning, so I don’t think I will die from the pain between now and then. I’m just cranky and can’t do anything. I am going to attempt to get my own laundry done tonight, and get the rest of the family to pitch in on the rest of the house. I really would like one of these knuckle heads to steam clean my office carpet.
Also, I will be taking a few days off from the blog. I will be back to posting on Wednesday, Thursday at the latest. I want you to see my new tats, after all.
All my cats are doing well. BaxterMarie has been extra clingy and acting very kitten-like lately. She sleeps in front of me on the desk, or on me or at my feet in bed. She and Spencer fight for the little cubby to the right of me.
The rest of the cats come to me when they want extra momma lovin’s. They aren’t so demanding of it.
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Well, until next week, be sweet, my darlings!

A Bad Day…

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Well, this will be a short post. Just an update on my dreadful day.
We started with excruciating pain in the damaged nerves of my lower spine. It was like someone was plucking each one of them, and it reverberated all the way up my spine and down my left leg. It caused a jerking action, like I was having a seizure. I took my hydrocodone and my anti-inflamitories and relaxers. No relief. And I didn’t want to over medicate myself, because I am still fighting a cold.
So I tried to sleep through it.
Late morning everyone, including myself, gets up because it’s blazingly hot in the house. The thermostat was set at 65, the temp was 90, and it was 97 outside. My house turned into a sauna. So we get the heating/cooling people out. He does a quick fix to get us through the night, but has to come back in the morning to replace 2 parts.
So…that was my day.
And it is 9:30 and I’ve had no dinner yet…add to cranky factor.

I hope you all had a much better day than myself, and here to tomorrow being better!
Be sweet, my darlings!

Even the uneventful can be funny…

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So, last night, in my gaming world, we were about to go kill this character who attacked the head of our family. This game is based on big Families and Clans. But, while waiting for the call to arms, my character, and her boyfriend, were just sitting together outside of the place were people get married or adopt others. We had been there because we attended several ceremonies in the family of the last few days.

So, while everyone was preparing weapons and locating the target, his character tied up mine and hefted her over his shoulders, walked into the place, and they got married. No one was the wiser until nearly 24 hours later…when the enemies newpaper announced the binding.

Oh, our family was shocked. They has been fighting along side of us all night and hadnt noticed. We never gave any hints that we were planning to wed any time soon to begin with. We just upped the timing. It was perfect.

So, when our family found out through a third party source…an enemies at that…oh, that was a hoot. I simply told them all thats what happens when two spies get together…we do stealthy things.

So that was entertaining. We killed the target, though he is trying to make a comeback tonight, so we are watching him to thwart him.

I play this game with a great group of people. My best friend being one of them. Her character is married to the head of the family. Its highly entertaining.

So, I am sorry to have such a short posting for you today, but I am tired, my back hurts, and I am still getting scornful mail for not sharing the wedding with everyone to attend…lol.

My back is killing me. I called and am scheduled to have a series of injections on the 17th, and I will be talking to my doc about fixing the herniated discs in my lower spine…my thought is that it might alleviate some of the pressure on my nerves.

Lets hope.

Be sweet, my darlings!

Awake In the sleeping world

It is not out of the ordinary to be awake when everyone I know is sleeping soundly, as they should be.

 Tonight, however, my back pain is not giving me that pleasure. And it’s not just my back, it goes down to my left leg, leaving it useless. I can only lift that leg so high before my body say ‘oh, no, you better check yourself missy!’

The problem doesn’t stop there, either. Due to the nerve damaged in my nerves in my lower back, I tend to lean on my right leg more, sending that knee into fits of pain. My cats like to sleep near my knees, keeping constant pressure there.

I don’t like to fall back on taking my Hydrocodone very often. I did take one when I took my night time meds to get to sleep, but, they have worn off and here I sit.

Next month, I restart pool therapy, which I really love. It will be in a difference place than I had gone to before. It sounds amazing from what I have researched on the place. Stationary bike IN the pool, aquarobics, and hat is Monday, Wednesday and Friday. When I feel I have outgrown the training there, I can move into the move advanced, harder workout they hold Tuesday and Thursday. This classes are an hour and a half long.

This place has even combined Zoomba and aquarobics. They say it is very, very strong stuff. And with my disability, I may not be able to perform it.

I am looking forward to just the general pool therapy, and the man-child will be coming with me to help get his knee back in condition since his surgery. In another 6 months, he will be eligible for a partial knee replacement, which his doctor said will indeed happened, because his knee is kaput, but just like me, he has to jump through those insurance loops and hoops.

I was getting spinal injection in my lower spine for my nerve damage pain, but the insurance will only allow so many over the course of 12 months. So my family doctor is helping me manage my pain with the Hydrocodone.

As it is almost 2am, and this is a pretty often occurrence for me, I usually have something to do. Book to read, movie to watch…but tonight, I seem too tired to do any of those. I want to close my eyes and sleep again, but, I know I will be trudging my way down the hallway in another hour again, so why bother.

The cats are playing with their newest toy, so I may let them entertain me. That’s something I never consider as time wasted.

So I will be signing off for now. I suspect I will post again sometime during the daylight hours.

Happy Dreaming ~

Online Shopping

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It can become a real addiction. I straddle that line. I absolutely love shopping online, however, I do know where to shop safely. I usually stick to Amazon, Wal-Mart and Book stores. I tend to avoid EBay. I have heard too many horror stories there.

I have grand lovely, very meticulously sorted Lists on Amazon. I know I will end up deleted items along the way as my ‘need’ for them wanes. That’s why I place things in the lists rather than buying them outright.

I do love using Amazons Prime Pantry for non-perishable foods. It’s quick, easy, and I can find most things cheaper than my local stores. And the selections can be better at times, too.

Sometimes I get impulsive on shopping for clothes. It depends on the season and what is on clearance. Full Beauty and Woman Within are my favorites, as I can buy big oversized t-shirts and sweaters, but pants and shorts that fit me well.

Another favorite thing about using my Amazon Prime, is that I can purchase an item as a surprise for someone else, for their birthday or holiday, and have it shipped straight to them, gift wrapped and all. My best friend loves books, so I like giving her gift cards for eBooks. It works for both of us, as she has excellent taste in reading material, and I have one of her old kindles, so I am logged into her account. Reading for both of us! I try not to read the same book she is to not mess up her book mark or anything though. It works out great between us.

Now, I will tell you, for a horror writer, I do not like to sleep without a night light. Funny, I know. However, it’s not for fear of the dark. It’s more to do with me getting up and tripping over cat toys, cats, or painfully ramming my thigh into the corner of my bedside table. I need to see. I recently purchased myself a nightlight that is a silicone cat. They are everywhere, marketed for children’s rooms. It is standard with a soft white light, but if you tap it a few times it changes colors. I thought it was nifty, and hey, it’s a CAT!

Bed sheets and comforters. I love them. I have way too many sets. I still buy them. >.>

I did make an impulsive buy that I will firmly hold my best friend accountable for. I bought a color changing Jellyfish aquarium. Yes, they are silicone Jellyfish, but I have seen these things for myself, and move very life like. I had to have it. I didn’t need it though. I will feel guilty once it arrives, struggle with whether I should return it or not, and then make peace with myself and love it.

As for office supplies. Let’s just say that when I die, I leave a legacy of office supplies that will carry my grandkids and great grandkids though school, college and work for a good while.

And speaking of office things…I have an addiction to external hard drives. I don’t know why. I have 3 of them now. Who really needs 3 external drives? I haven’t even put anything on one of them.

Shopping, shopping, and shopping. It’s fun, but so deadly…lol.

My cats have more toys than needed, however, they do play with everything they have. Each has their own particular playthings. Some like the sparkly balls, some like the noisy toys, and some like the little fake mice. They ALL love the cardboard scratchers. And what a mess those things make >.<  .

Candles…if you ever want to send me a gift, just ask for my favorite scents. Really, I actually use the little wax melts in my electric burners more. Swan Creek Candle Co. is one of those things I found at a gift shop in a gas station on a road trip. I bought two different scent packs. They were awesome and potent, longer lasting than the stuff they sale at Wal-Mart. So I found them on the internet and now order directly from them. I try every scent they have, making note of my favorites. Thus far, there are only three I don’t care for. And now that they have their fall/winter seasons out, I put in my order for those. I would say I order once every 4-6 months from them. I even got my best friend hooked on them.

Well, that’s a peek into my shopping addictions and loves. Oh, and faults.

Do you have a favorite quirky shopping flair? Anything you HAVE to have on a regular basis? Chime in…it may start me on a new obsession.

Be sweet, my darlings!

Mental Illness from my perspective

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I suffer from many disorders of the mind. Chemical imbalances, terrible phobias, psychotic tendencies.

Back in the day, the mid 80’s, the medical world did not have the aptitude for mental illness that it does now, so, as my mental illnesses emerged and ran rampant in my early and mid-teens, I received more disapproving looks and glares than actual help.

There is nothing more painful than a 15 year old who has been cutting for a few years to overhear a shrink tell your parents it’s a cry for ‘attention’. They also dumped the blame on my mother, who was riddled with guilt for years thinking she had done something wrong in raising me. Cutting and self-mutilation are not cries for help. There is actually a chemical reaction within the brain that cutting and pain produces, while also the act of pain itself is an indicator that you can indeed feel, and it feels good.

One of my suicide attempts at 16 landed me in the hospital for a good while. Do you know what the therapy consisted of? The doctors yelling at me and threatening me to straighten up and fly right and quit being a ‘brat’. This same mentality also deems suicide as ‘selfish’. Suicide is not a selfish action. If someone commits suicide, it was not for selfish reasons or to hurt those who cared for them. It is a release from all that is twisted and broken on the inside.

To this day, one of my nearest and dearest tries to argue that I am selfish for even entertaining suicidal thoughts. It hurts when you can’t change a stigma. However, I am honest in my feelings when asked.

I wear many scars of my cutting. I’ve hand many trips to the ER because I let things get out of my control. My best friend gets sad when she looks at my scars. She, however, does not lecture. She empathizes the best she can. Most of my friends do. I don’t have many friends, really, a bare handful that I will sit down with face to face. I like my friends to be pen pals or online friends due to my own quirks that society doesn’t deem acceptable.

I had a complete nervous breakdown in 2004. With that mental collapse came acute agoraphobia. I stayed inside, rarely even leaving the bedroom. I had my nest there…all my needed things. Computer, books and all my comforts.

Getting me to leave the house for something important, such as a doctor’s appointment, when I finally gave in to see one, took nearly a month to plan. Part of agoraphobia and social anxiety is ‘mapping your route’. In my ‘mapping’ I refused left hand turns. I know this sounds so illogical, but this is simply one instance of how my mind works and copes with things.

Through therapy and medicine, my agoraphobia is more under control. I mean, look…I am teaching classes at the local library. I’ve been to Arizona and New Mexico several times to see my best friend. Yes, I am medicated throughout the journey, but the point is…I am leaving my comfort zone.

Speaking of ‘comfort zones’, I have carefully and painstakingly crafted my own personal room within my house. It was once the garage, but the original owners turned it into a sunken den sort of thing. It’s very big. I could put a bed in here if not for all my bookcases and swords and general (very odd) toys. Everything has its place. When anyone else comes in here and moves something, it irritates me to no end. Others may see this room as just an office, but to me it is so much more. This is my haven. And when I say I don’t spend any time in any other place in the house, I am being completely honest. I recently purchased a new living room suit with the intent of spending more time in the living room enjoying movies and whatnot with the family. It’s been two months now, that has yet to happen.

Obviously I am getting better at social situations, so long as they are controlled, like the classes I teach at the library. Though, don’t call me up and say ‘how about I introduce you to some of my friends and we go out for dinner?’ That would be a no. I have one close friend here locally that I will meet up with for coffee, or go to our favorite lunch spot. Sometimes with nothing more than a few hours’ notice. That’s a huge step for me. An accomplishment.

A large part of going out west to see my best friend and going down to Dothan to meet with my other close friend is that they empathize. They have taken the time to know me and understand me, and would never ask anything of me that would tax my limits. These people are rare and very much loved by me. They ask questions sometimes, to better understand things, and that’s good! It shows me they want to know the limits and they are looking out for my comfort levels.

One thing I am not in control of, despite the heavy medications, is my bipolar disorder. When I am in a manic high, well…its best to lock me in a room with no sharp objects and let me talk a lot, because I tend to get very chatty and animated. When I am in a down, you will be lucky to get me out of my room. I tend not to take care of myself as well. No sleep, no food, I neglect personal hygiene to a point. I am just utterly sad and feel so very alone. It’s painful.

When my bipolar disorder gets out of whack, so does my schizophrenia. I hear things. Sometimes just awful things. I used to see things a lot, but not so much anymore. I may see a flutter or shadow from my peripheral vision. Hearing the voices though…that’s something I can definitely do without. My meds usually keep me on a pretty even keel, and when I do slide up or down, it’s not as terribly drastic as before the meds.

I also have severe depression with psychotic tendencies. Pretty self-explanatory.

I feel things very deeply sometimes. It really depends on what it is. I have little empathy for the population at large. However, don’t ever let me see animal abuse.

Most of the time, I take criticism very well. I mean, you have to when you are a writer or artist. You are under scrutiny. I’ve tried to take all my reviews that were less than favorable as learning experiences.

However, someone in a game I play said my writing was ‘underwhelming’. I have not written anything on that site since. I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel ashamed. I feel as if the whole community on that site is sitting back looking at everything I’ve ever written there (we’re talking 15 years of stories) and just grimacing as they read my words. It’s like a wound that just won’t close…it keeps bleeding and bleeding…and it only took one person to inflict it and drive me away.

As with most people that are on a lot of medications, when I am feeling good and happy, I tend to think I don’t need the meds. Huge mistake. I will admit, when I have a writing piece that needs to be done, or, say, NaNoWriMo is here, I will only take half doses of my bipolar meds, because yes, they honestly make me feel a little zombie-like. I am a very doped up person. In this little cheat time when I half my daily dose, it takes maybe a week before I start sliding up or down. In cases of an event like NaNoWriMo it is pretty solid that I will slip into a manic high.

I have admitted this all to my psychiatrist, and now every three months he orders blood work to check my Depakote serum levels. Damn it…he makes it hard to cheat!!

Another little thing I learned is to come up with tales of how I got hurt and need stitches. I used to be honest with the ER. Then my record made them stricter with me. They put me in a room to be stitched up, but they take my shoes, keys, purse, phone and even my water! So, the last time I did go to the ER, I had a wild tale as of how something sliced my arm.

I don’t know why I still cut. Sometimes, the thought just comes into my head and before I know it, I’m sitting there with a bloody rag and a feeling of calm. A serene calm. Other times, when I am manic, it seems to be a focal point for me, because my brain can’t seem to grasp hold of any one thing for more than a moment.

Are mental illnesses curable? No, I don’t think so. They are treatable, however. It takes a while. I’ve been trying and changing medications over the course of the last…almost 15 years or so. Hell, I was just changed to a new anti-depressant last month. It’s working, too! My Depakote has to be adjusted a lot though, it seems.

I think I am trying to make a point with this post…

If you know someone who seems like their struggling, try to help them. I know insurance and the cost of everything makes it very hard for people to get the treatment they need and the meds. Having good friends makes a lot of difference, too. Be a support system. If you suspect someone is hurting themselves, do not admonish them for it. Try to talk to them. Get to the heart of it. I have 4 people right at this very moment, at 3am, that I could call and they would not be grumpy or grouchy that I called them and woke them up. They would talk to me, ease me, their words would be meaningful and gentle and encouraging for me not to hurt myself. They would be there even if I just needed to cry. And I hate crying.

Mental illness is not a fad. Yes, I know there are people out there who claim to have illnesses that they don’t for the attention or benefits, but not everyone. In this day and age, depression is on the rise. When people do seek help, you aren’t just prescribed something and everything turns out fine and dandy. My first round of meds sent me so far out of control it was scary. A lot of the treatment is trial and error until you find something that fits with your body and brains chemical disposition.

Well, I’ve just rambled on, haven’t I?

In addition to the brain, my body is currently out of sorts as well. I took a trip to my family practice doc on Monday for a chest cold. I have COPD, so I don’t play when it comes to chest colds. Turns out I have myself a case of bronchitis. Antibiotics and cough syrup with codeine in it and I am still feeling like poo two days later. I get hot and then cold, I can’t sleep.

To top all that off, its pollen season here in the good old south. Everything outside is covered in a layer of yellow pollen. Allergies Ahoy!!! And with the pollen and nice temps, come all the bugs of the South. Ew.

The kittehs are all doing great. The kitten is growing well, though I think he is stunted from his time being lost and alone and eating nothing but bugs and stuff until my best friend found him.

Since cats are cats, and not all of mine get along, I can’t get a nice group photo. So, I think this weekend I will enlist the help of the daughter in setting up a nice background and sitting each cat up for a photo. Try to make it look all professional. Cyd and Siefer would sit together, and BaxterMarie would sit with Jeff. Any of the cats would sit with Jeff…he’s cool with everyone. However, little Spencer thinks it’s always playtime, so that’s going to be a challenge. And Quinny won’t sit still with anyone. Wow…this is starting to sound like a task…lol.

It has been almost 30 days since my last blog entry. For that, I am sorry. I lose readership and that’s sad, and totally my fault.

I have thought long and hard about even writing on this particular subject. It’s filled my mind every day, while I play with the cats, rearrange my office for the millionth time, read, write and put together my new computer. Oh, yes…new computer. Thank the stars above that I am super paranoid about losing my documents, programs, pictures and music. Everything is backed up on both Dropbox and an external hard drive…I didn’t lose a thing. And the new PC is awesome.

I’ll close this up by encouraging you to think things over, maybe open up some discussion in the comments.

I’m going to strive harder to not let 30 days pass without an entry again. It’s time to share some stories!

Long Over-due…and kittehs!!!

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Welcome the baby! This is the kitten I was telling you all about back in December. He was just a tiny bit of fluff, skin and bones. He was feral, we could only surmise that he got separated from his momma and the rest of the colony.

He showed up on my best friends doorstep…well…windows. She patiently coaxed him into the garage where she made him a bed and fed him plenty of food and water until I had a chance to drive out there (Alabama to New Mexico) to pick him up.

It was love at first hold. This little baby snared my heart, and I like to think he fell completely in love with me, too, as he had previously clawed my poor best friend in the face, twice.

So the long drive home, only one peepee accident and he was safe in his new environment. I named him Spencer Lee. He has an uncanny resemblance to Fat Cat. Both being RagDolls. His temperament is super sweet to his new momma cat. (me)

Here’s a quick shot of Jeff playing handsies with Spencer. Jeff was the first to take to him without a lot of fuss.
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Along the way I’ve also fostered in two additional cats. These two have been raised together and are my daughters boyfriends cats. Sid and Siefer. Yes, Final Fantasy nerds unite.
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So now my house is filled with the loving sounds of 6 cats. I love it. Though, when the daughter and her boyfriend move out on their own, I will lose his two cats, and my Quinney, because she has integrated herself into Sid and Siefers little pack, and I’ve hate to separate them.

Its okay, I’ll go to the shelter and adopt MOAR cats. ~grins~

So, there is the update on the kittehs.

Now on to my back troubles.

I went in and had six injections to the lower left side of my spine and combined that with pool therapy. I was pain-free for a good 2.5 – 3 weeks. Then the pain returned and is holding at a 9/10 on the pain scale. HOWEVER…I also fired my back surgeon. Why, you may ask? For sheer rudeness.
I am a patient woman, come on, look at me, I have six cats. But…please dont ask me to show up at 8am, then not call me back to the exam room until 9:30am, and by 10:30am I STILL have not seen the doc. That’s unprofessional. And this was an appointment only day, no other surgeries or emergencies to come up. I heard him with a patient in the next room, got my hopes in line after the nurse said I was next, then didn’t hear another word.

I walked to the nurses station, smiled, expressed my irritation and kindly asked the nurse to please tell the doctor he was fired. I also stopped the pool therapy.

So, I think from this time on, I will just bear with the pain as I have done with for the last twenty years, letting my regular family practice doc handle my pain management the best she can.

Onto my work with the Dothan Library. I had volunteered to give some Creative Writing classes. With the library heads we came up with a course that covers a different topic a month, over the next 6 months.

The first was held just last Saturday, aptly named Creative Writing 101: Plot, Structure and Outlining. It was great. I WAS SO NERVOUS. I expected about 10 people. 9 were in attendance. I gave my apologies for being a bit flustered in the beginning, not being a public speaker and all. This group really made me feel comfortable.

So next month will be great. I plan on covering characters, development, scenes and possibly dialogue, if we have time, or that will be carried over to the next class.

I will say, by the time the 3 hour class was over, I needed a drink to unwind. My friend Stephanie met me at a local Mexican restaurant where I proceeded to indulge in a half-pitcher of margaritas on the rocks and nachos…lol.

So that brings us to now. And for your enjoyment, I am going to throw in some extra picture of Spencer.

You can all thank Patricia on Twitter for giving me the virtual kick in the pants last night on updating, FINALLY. Now I have no more excuses for delays other than getting mauled by kittehs.

Best sweet, my darlings!

Getting in over my head…

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~whew~

So, as you all may know, I bought one of those dandy storage barns to clear all the boxes and whatnot out of my third bedroom to make it habitable once again. I also did the same for the rest of the house since I seem to horde things.

My mistake was thinking I could handle everything on my own. Not taking my current spinal injury into account, I seem to have overdone it. On one of my trips to the storage barn with boxes loaded in my arms, I fell backwards out of the barn (it has a sizeable step and I have no cinder blocks at the moments to make a makeshift set of stairs).

So, pain is in full force. So much so, that at 5am this morning, I was huddled over my desk, near in tears, from the pain. And I have a very high pain threashold and rarely cry. I ended up taking two of every pain killer I have and dragging myself to bed when they started easing the pain. And when I say ‘dragging myself’…well…if it were not for walls to hold on to, I very likely would have had to crawl on hands and knees.

I have not been called with my MRI date as of yet, so I have no clue when this surgery is going to go down. I am thinking January. Another whole month of this pain. Sure, I could take it easy, but thats just not me. I have 3 kids living here with me now (kids = they are pushing 30 ) and I feel I have to take care of them all. Only one is mine!!! But, I tend to be a mother goose. That being said, you need to understand that I like my house kept a certain way. Wipe down all the counters, dont leave the bread bag open, CLEAN UP AFTER  YOURSELF…and clean as you cook. Put things back where you found them.

This is not happening in my house, adding to my stress and tension. I dont want to be mean or rude, especially to my new sons, but lawdy, my own child knows these things and is not conveying to them just how important my routines and way of doing things is important to me. Yes, she can be selfish. Typical of her age, in a new relationship and so on.

I got myself in over my head with all this. I have boxes of things still left to go into the barn, all stacked up in front of the dining room table and patio door. I keep tripping over things. One of these boys could be taking this stuff out for me. I dont care that its raining, and will continue to rain for the next 7 days. (yes, we went from a ‘burn ban’ to a ‘flood warning’ in two days. Only in the south)

I can get no decent writing done. My head cant focus on plotting and whatnot. I am shaking, and I dont know whether its from being chilly, or from being in pain. At 5am, I knew it was from the pain. It felt as if I sat still, my spine would burst out of my back.

Wow…I’m SUCH a whiner today!!!

I’m allowed to whine sometimes, right? Someone tell me its okay…~nods~

Thank you for reading, and send some healing thoughts my way if you wouldnt mind.

Be sweet, my lovelies.