Self Doubt Runs Rampant

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So, lately I have been having some serious self doubts about myself and my abilities. All my abilities…as a parent, grandparent, partner, writer, artist…

It started in November. It just started as a small inkling behind the eyes…a small thought here and there. A doubt in judgement here and there, and it just escalated.

Then I was sitting here the night before last working on something and I thought…should I continue to even try? My book is far from being as perfect as I want it. My writing doesn’t feel as smooth anymore. I have lost many followers and readers.

Should I keep my Zoe Ambler persona, all the time and work. Should I just let it go? Should I refocus elsewhere?

I am feeling very inadequate of late. Its a nagging feeling that is bringing me down more and more. I can attribute some of it to the holiday season. I always get a little depressed this time of year, no matter how well things are going.

However, I dont seem very productive. Mind you, we are all busy this time of year. This is a big book time. Here I am with the promise of a new book, yet not producing the final product.

I have family things going on that I was not prepared for.

I just have to question myself on why I keep up with things when I seem to be failing and falling behind. Am I disappointing anyone? The answer to that may leave me in tears.

I had a dream. I have talent. I am squandering it, I know. I am just not finding it within myself to chase these things. I feel so very let down.

Perhaps after the holidays I will feel better…if not, some hard decisions will have to be made.

Take care, my sweets~

Some of my favorite blogs…

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So, I spend a great deal of time reading and discovering new blogs. I am going to list for you several that I keep coming back to due to their content. They are very unique in their own ways. Some are about cats, dogs, baby animals. Some are inspirational. Some of educational and helpful for indie writers. And some are simply entertaining, because they allow you a glimpse into another persons life.

So, on with the list:

aopinionatedman.com
keithgarrettpoetry.com
kaineandrews.com
brittabottle.com
johncoyote.wordpress.com
bythemightymumford.wordpress.com
mistermaxxx08.wordpress.com
muscleheaded.wordpress.com
smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com
disorientedmom.wordpress.com
depressionless.wordpress.com
totallyerotic.wordpress.com
bipoiarus.wordpress.com
beautifulkittens.wordpress.com
horror.org
raforallhorror.blogspot.com
hellhorror.com
horrorfreaknews.com
thisishorror.co.uk
brokehorrorfan.com
horror-asylum.com
horrorpedia.com
little-blog-of-horrors.com
nightmarenookhorrorblog.blogspot.com
yearofhorror.wordpress.com
isobelandcat.wordpress.com
dailywritingtips.com
blog.nanowrimo.org
blackcatastrophy.com
kittenarchive.wordpress.com
feedmykitty.wordpress.com
catsatthebar.org

There are SO many others. Angells Book Reviews and Courtney Wendeltons. And this doesn’t even cover many of the Blogger blogs I follow.

I am also honored that many of these bloggers follow my blog as well. Before my hiatus, I had called for people who would like to be interviewed and have their books or blog highlighted here, and a few stepped forward. There are still a few I am trying to get in touch with. Those interviews will be coming soon. I have so many questions I want to ask, I have to scale down my questionnaire a bit…lol.

Do you have a favored author or blogger that you follow? Want to share them here in the comments? I will gladly give them a look and see if they would like to be spotlighted here. Do you wish to be spotlighted? As I have said before, it’s for books, authors, bloggers…cat lovers, coffee enthusiasts…lol.

I would love to get as many as possible, covering all walks of life. I want to build brigdes and watch my favorite people mix and meet, but I dont want to do the traditions mix and meets that most other blogs do. I always have to do things the hardway, and, well, the oddball way. ..lol.
So dont be shy and step right up!

Be sweet!

Family…

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The above picture is of my mother with the late great Fat Cat.

My mom, dad and little sister all live in Guatemala. They went there like, almost 20 years ago. My little sis was only 16 and is now all grown up with 2 daughters. I don’t think she is even an American citizen anymore, and is fine and dandy with it. She speaks the language down there fluently, as do her children.

I don’t have a picture of my little sister, but take my word, she is absolutely beautiful, and her girls are too.

The reason for this post is to keep you aware of the hardships of being so far away from family.

My little sister has tried and tried to have more children. She is allowed to have three children in the district of Guatemala she lives in. She has had loads of pregnancies, some she carried and had to deliver, but they did not survive.

The last child she carried and delivered (again, not surviving) they took note of spots in her uterus and growths on her ovaries. They did a biopsy. And tons of blood work. Remember, Guatemala is a ‘third world country’. Getting work done may be cheap, but they don’t have the means to do it efficiently.

And in that loss of efficiency you lose the lower cost. The medical bills are piling up as more tests are ordered.

My parents live off of my father military retirement and social security. My sister’s husband is an EMT. That’s not a lot of money to live on, let alone get extensive medical care, tests and treatment.

I am going to venture to ask, if you can, to donate via my PayPal link, to send some help to my family. I send what I can every month, my best friends sends money weekly and my older sister is putting lump sums in every two weeks. It’s just not amounting to enough.

I wanted to start a ‘GoFundMe’ page, but my mother would be livid. She always says its tacky. So, I am asking as a personal favor. (and my mom doesn’t look at my webpage often to see this…lol…she is more about games and reading when it comes to her computer…and she’s not to swooft on my style of writing, as in the horror stories and smut..lol).

So, if you could help out, that would be great and you’d have our deepest thanks. My PayPal link is on my static page. (zoeambler.com)

The news in my own household could be summed up as depressing. Its me entirely. I am just in a slump, moody, mopey. I did win 2nd and 4th in a writing contest, that raised my spirits for all of 30 minutes.

The kittehs are all doing fabulously. Never a dull moment.

I have been a little lax on writing back to my pen pals. Its like I don’t want to get out of bed and put on my people suit and be a person. Blah.

I guess not being able to physically be there when my mom cries is getting to me. We talk on Skype and she is so down. I hate it.

But, as a family, we are trying to do everything we can…those of us that live here in the US and those in Guatemala.

Wish the best for my sister, please?

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Contests Gallore

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So, recently I have been entering all kinds of Halloween/Horror genre story contests.

One in particular I worked for DAYS and NIGHTS on. I am kind of iffy about it. I liked it the first dozen times I read it.

Well, the reckoning time has come. I submitted it.

If you would, please follow the link and give it a read, and a vote?

Who’s the Monster? by Zoe Ambler http://upliterate.com/permalink/story/466/

I’d really appreciate the support. There are some AWESOME stories already submitted by others, so I am not holding my breath too much. One can hope, though, cant she?

Thank you my lovelies.

And for those who dont want to go and check it out, I’ll post the story here on the blog around Halloween!

~squishes my darlings~

A call for old fashioned letter writing!

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Most of you know I love to practice the old school lost artform of handwritten letters.

So, I’m putting the call out there for those of you who would like to be ‘pen pals’ and ‘snail mail’ buddies.

I would like to ask for your birthday, too, because HELLO…birthday cards!!!

If you would like to be put on my little list, simply email me your info to

zoe.ambler5@gmail.com

I will keep it good, safe and confidential. And you will recieve silly little scribings from myself and cards.

Entertain me folks! Be my buddeh!

~squishes~

Writers: Getting a little more exposure.

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In my last post, I made mention of a few website that I post my various stories, other than just here on the blog.

Its great to help build a following and fan base to broaden your readers, and, in some cases, gain the attention of agents and publishers.

To help you in this, I’m going to provide you a listing, links and my personal takes on each site.

Jukepop: http://www.jukepop.com/

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Jukepop is called a site for ‘Serials’. You post chapters, and they can be voted upon. You can make a little money, and you can even get some investors that you share your eventual profits with.

Personally, I just post there for the exposure. The posting process is a little difficult and time consuming, and then anything you post must be approved. ‘A Walk Amongst the Dead’ still has not been approved, and I can only assume because of the few profanities in the story.

Tablo: https://tablo.io/
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Tablo doesnt seem too impressive of a site. I know my profile and works do not get many looks and reads or upvotes. It is user friendly, however, and good for a little extra exposure if you can get followers built.

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/
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wattpad is extremely easy to use, but to gain a following you have to do a lot of reading and liking and following of your own to get anywhere. A lot of people have had great success with Wattpad! I am just now getting myself reaquainted with it.

Scriggler: https://scriggler.com/
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Scriggle…well…it takes some getting used to. Its easy to upload, simply copy and paste your chapters or story, but navigating groups, checking mail and comments are a little rough. I have my own group there for short story writers. Its great for building a following. And they have more than just stories. They have opinion sections, poetry, news. etc.. You can track your ranking and see how your doing in your story writing. Its cool…just a little difficult to check mail.

Bublish: https://www.bublish.com/
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Bublish is amazing, however, there is a catch. To get the most out of the site, you will have to break down and pay for it. A monthly fee of $9.99 a month, or $99.00 annually.

The site is easy to navigate, easy to post your work, and allows for ‘rough cut bubbles’ which you share via Facebook and Twitter. You choose what you want to share from the writing, and it creates a bubble all ready to post for you to your social media account. I personally like the service. Its easy to gain more followers as well, because Bublish will also make a tweets from their Twitter accounts with your bubbles and account name.

upliterate: http://upliterate.com/
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I love this site. It doesnt get you a lot of exposure, but you will get a small group of followers which will hopefully follow your social media accounts and website to see more of you.

Its super user friendly as well.

Medium: https://medium.com/
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Medium is another super easy site to upload your works to and gain a bit more of a following. People can ‘like’ and comment. Its very stream-lined and, as I’ve said, easy to use.

I have this as one of my main places to post my short stories, as I can do it super quick and without a lot of fuss.

Write Globe: http://writeglobe.com/
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This is a new site for me. I have yet to upload anything to test the waters. However, here is what I pulled from the ‘About’ page.

About Us

Write Globe is the perfect platform for every creative individuals in the world of writing, publishing and editing, who want to reach out to a larger section of the society.
Acting as the linkage between writers, poets, authors and publishers, Write Globe helps these creative individuals in showcasing their unique talent to the world. The books which are written by you will be promoted immensely on the platform of Write Globe and which will gain attention from several visitors of the website. Along with promoting the books, Write Globe also acts as an excellent base for those who want to submit their writings or articles or poetries.
Through Write Globe you can find convenient publishers and publishers too can advertise their brand’s service via this online portal. Recently book trailers have become quite popular for promoting upcoming novels and books and Write Globe has provisions for such unique book trailers on the website.
Promotional events like book launch, book signing or any other event can be extensively shared via Write Globe which will showcase your creativities to the world.

Niume: https://niume.com/
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This is one of my top favorites. It is very easy to gain a following on this site, and is so visually pleasing. You can host more than just stories as well. You can make blog entries in the ‘Lifestyles’ sphere. You can post your photos. You can show off your humor, and so much more.

I have gained a lot of recognition for the short stories I posted there recently, and a lot of excellent feedback.

Authors.me: https://www.authors.me/
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I am in love with this site. Totally. Its super easy to work with. A the extra fantastic bonus?

It links you up with Agents and Publishers in your selected genres.

You submit your work to the selection that matches what genre you have chosen for a particular book, set of short stories or poetry, and whammo…you get a response on how much time it will take for them to look at your work and get back to you.
I love this site.

~~~

Now, this list, with the exception of Write Globe, is in reverse order of how I use them. I know, I should have mentioned that at the start.

I know there are tons of other sites out there, for writing, blogging…everything under the sun. These are my personal favorites for writing…with a smidge of blogging.

So, I hope you all enjoy, look me up, and lets get some followers a followin’!

Busy Little Bee

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So, I’ve been quite busy lately.

I have taken a collection of short stories that arent not in my normal horror genre and have been posting them to the following sites:

Niume
Wattpad
Medium
Jukepop
Tablo
Bublish
Upliterate
Scriggler
Authors.me

They are a collection of 8 short stories, most of them previously featured here on this blog. They are about human emotions, pain, loss, crime, etc… no spookiness, no vampires, no zombies and werewolves.

I am planning to compile my horror genre stories and do the same, as well as a little cache of Genesis and Addison stories that have not seen the light of day with the exception of A Walk Amongt the Dead.

If you are a member of any of the sites listed above, please look up my stories and like or upvote them! Leave comments! Feed back makes me feeel good.

Now, on the a little more distressing news. I’ve hurt my back again. I’m talking taking two Hydrocodone, two Robaxin and two Doans and the pain isnt dulled a bit. I’m also using a TENs unit.
So tomorrow, I am planning on calling the doc for x-rays to see how much damage I did, and I dont even know how I did it. Or, a new painmed prescription.

I also need a new ceiling fan in here in my office because this current one is dying and making a hella lot of noise, and I want to get a quote on how much it would take to get a door installed seperating my office from the living room and dining room area.

Whew. In pain, but gotta be busy.

So, until next time my sweets, take care!

~squishes~

Update on Fundraiser

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So, thus far I have raised a whopping $21.00

I’ve been pushing the social media, and just dont know what I’m doing wrong, or not doing at all.
Well, other than mostly everyone I know is broke.

Just to clarify this non-profit fundraiser, I am working toward raising $300 for the nonprofit behind NaNoWriMo. As soon as I’ve raised at least $300.  If I raise $425 I can bring a friend. I know someone who would love to attend.

Mind you, fundraising money doesnt come to me, it goes directly to NaNoWriMo.

I’m also responsible for getting myself a roundtrip flight and hotel for the night.

So, if possible, toss a few bills my way.
 https://www.classy.org/fundraise?fcid=723914

I’ll reward you with stories, from horror to smut…>_>

Love my sweeties!

Night of Writing Dangerously

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So, another November is coming soon, and that means…NaNoWriMo!!! National Novel Writing Month! YAY!

This will make my second year as a Municipal Liaison. I had a blast last year, and the Dothan Library System has been phenominal in providing places between two of their branches for parties and Write Ins. Its going to be another awesome year!!

And, as I tried last year (failed) I am striving to mee the fundraiser requirements fort a chance to attend the Night of Writing Dangerously in San Fracisco this year.

I have decided to place the fundraiser page under my REAL name, rather than my pen name. Zoe Ambler is…well…actually just a humble girl from Alabama called Beth.
A friend actually calls me Zoe-Beth, and it has a GREAT ring to it in my opinion. I have seriously given thought to actually changing my name. Though, I would face the wrath of my mother. Given that she lives in Guatemala, I just might be able to avoid that.

Anywho, would you like to support my efforts in taking me, plus a good writer friend of mine as a plus one, to the event?

Follow the link: https://www.classy.org/fundraise?fcid=723914
Also, go right on ahead and add me as a friend on Facebook if you’d like. I mean, I post just about anything I talk about here. CATS. ALL CATS. PICTURES, VIDEOS! …oh, and Zombie Apocalypse stuff. You all can never escape me on that.

So, please help me out in my endeavor. I would love to be a part of such a fantastic night of writing!

Love you all!

~hugs and squishes~

Easier said than done…

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I have never made it a secret that I self harm.

Today was/is one of those days. The deed is done, however.

They always tell you to reach out and call/talk to someone before you do it. Just likr with NA or AA or anything of that nature. Talk to someone, tell them what you are feeling, tell them what is going on in your head and hopefully they can ‘talk you done’ so to speak.

I have never been able to do that. NEVER. I self mutilation is my burden, and I dont wish to share it with anyone until after the fact.

Today I went to for place that devates from my norm, which is my arms. Today I went for my leg. A good two inch line above the knee. It is haphazard, but I dont think it needs stitches.

There are many things that brought it on. And I thought about it all morning, having my coffee, playing with my ‘tool of choice’.

In all that time, I could have called my friends, talked to my kid, called my mom. I never do it. I wait until all is quiet and do my dirty little deed, and then somehow I feel better.

And then I can talk about it. Well, not really the reason, but I can say, ‘Hey, I self harmed today…’.

So, if you know someone who is like this, or have some advice, or even an idea or two, toss them my way, or, encourage someone you know that self harms not to be like me.