Decisions for the New Year

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Well, with my ongoing depression and lack of motivation for damn near anything, I have decided that my latest novel, the sequel to The Road of Darkness, will be put on hold.
I have it nearly completed, but, I’m not enthusiastic about it.
So for the time being, I will be working on it when the mood strikes, and I will be blogging more instead, as well as keeping detailed daily journals and working on my little short stories. I may even toss you guys some smut snippets. Everyone loves the smut, right?
So, to all who have been anticipating The Path of Redemption, I am truly sorry for the set back. You can produce a good story if you are not feeling it. Thats my belief, anyway.
In the meantime, prepare yourselves for the antic of my cats, my kid, and the general tomfoolery I find myself on (completely on accident, mind you)
Thank you so much to all of you, and there are some of you I have a special rapport with… dont think this means I will stop pestering you!!!
Much love and squishes to you all, and a Good New Years to you…
~squishes more and drools a little~

A few days away

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Hello my darlings!
Well, much excitement is ahead for the wonderful world of Zoe.
And, well, that is why I must tell you that I will be absent from the web for a bit.
You see, my older sister is getting married and is arriving here tomorrow for the remainder of the week and weekend. We have less than a month to get her wedding organized, and she and I are the only family we have living here state-side. Sadly, my folks and little sister and her family, and my little brother and his huge family, wont be able to come to the States for the wedding, so I want to make sure my big sis has my full attention.
Now, along with making plans and whatnot, there will be shenanagans to be had. We are terrible when together. 
Mass quantities of coffee are consumed throughout the day, then some damn fool says “Hey, we need alcohol.” ~looks guilty~
I will morn her passing as a single woman, and drink many libations in this sorrow.
Did I mention she is having an outdoor wedding, on the beach? Can we say nightmare waiting to be had? She and her fiance have a boat, but a friend is ferrying the rest of the guests to the island on his pontoone boat. We have to go find suibable decorations for that thing without making it look gaudy.
And my sister is a teeny wisp of a thing. We have to get her dress altered.
She wants me to put subtle highlights in her hair. Thats a snap. I’ve been doing that for her since we were teens.
There are so many things. Oh, and after the wedding, she is flying down to Guatemala to see the folks and little sister, so we have to purchase items for my momma that they cant get down there.
My family living in a progressing country is strange. They cant get hold of items we take for granted every day at the local supermarket. I had to purchase like six small cans of simple pumpkin pie spice for making homemade pumpkin pie, and packets of instant white gravy mix. Certain kinds of soap. Spices that arent available there. Toiletries that cant be found there at all.
So, after the wedding my sister will take all my moms needed things to her and they will get a post wedding visit.
My moms is planning a trip here in 2017, with luck.
But, back on topic…I will be disappearing for a bit, to help my sister in her joyous ~mourns~ day. >_>
Thank the stars I’m so awesome. I dont think anyone else could tolerate me but me.

See you soon darlings!

Being social

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So I’ve had an old friend get in touch and want to meet up for dinner. 

~blank stares~

Okay, its fine, really. I’ve known this person for like, 20 years. Every year, just once, if at all, we get together, have dinner, and that’s the end of it for another year or so.

It doesn’t make it any less awkward. 

I must make sure I never wear white, for I will drop a big greasy brightly colored piece of food on myself. I must watch how much I drink if alcohol is involved.

I must act like a people.

I must adult.

I must shove the true weirdo deep within it cage and feed it quirky puns all evening.

Its one thing to go to the coffee shop and speak with other regulars…our conversations last maybe 15 minutes, tops.

Oh, and I have to be ‘pretty’ tonight. Since I got all my hair cut off, that is going to be a challenge. I am going to dress nice, as opposed to one of my weird meme type t shirts and shorts and shoes with neon colored laces. I am currently debated on a dress or pants with boots. I hate both options, but personing is hard, and tough decisions must be made.

Oh, and this person is a male. A guy. A dude. Known him forever, doesn’t make me any less Super Awkward Girl.
I am still weighing those option on what to wear…if I wear a dress or skirt, there is that constant reminder to ‘sit like  a lady’. Grah.

And while I may look like a smexy bitch with make-up on, I feel like a painted whore. I hate the stuff.

Then there is the whole social etiquette things. ~nearly screams~

Hopefully things go smooth and my next post isn’t a story telling you all what a ginormous arse I’ve made of myself.

See you later, darlings.


Not a clue…

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I honestly havent a clue as to what to entertain you all with tonight. From my stats, none too many have been reading and enjoying the blog. I AM FAILING!!!

And I am drawing a blank tonight. 

The movie reviews didnt seem to garner much care by readers. I’ll still do them on occasion.

In truth, I have found myself immersed in a John Cusack movie marathon because the man makes me happy in my pants.

I could talk about NaNoWriMo, but I think you all are sick of me begging for donations.

I did accomplish something today. I left the house. I mean, physically got in my truck and went out. I took my daughter on a few errands. I only had one thing to do, and that was cure my hankering for a Hammerhead at Dakotas Coffee Works. So, I just said I’d tote my daughters butt wherever she needed to go.

We had fun. We talked and stuff. Mostly about nerdy geeky things, because we are both nerdy geeky girls. My daughter is a hardcore gamer. Not just computer and console games, I’m talking Magic The Gathering and stuff. That is something funny…taking her to the gaming shop. Man, do the nerd boys drool over her. They forget how to speak. Some test her knowledge, just to see if she is one of those superficial poser girls…she blows the away. Then they get all drooly and slobbery and sweaty.

I talked to my mommy today on Skype. I miss her. It will be another year and a half before I see her again.

My older sister is coming to stay next weekend to go over finalizing wedding details. We have to take her dress in to be altered because no one makes dresses for people as small as her…lol. 

I told my good friend Patricia that I was going to make a blog post about the weather. So, to not be a fibber, I will just say we are having some very un-Lower Alabama weather this weekend. Its really cool, and surprisingly not humid. Its supposed to last all weekend. Then it will be back to our regularly scheduled hell until November.

I may not be posting next weekend. I hate that, I was going for a streak, even if its just me rambling like this. But then again, when me and my older sister get together, hilarity seems to ensue rather quickly. Doubly so if we decide to include alcohol in on the deal. Or harrassing her fiance.

Well, ramble ramble. I am totally boring this month.

I need a life.

Can I borrow yours?

Serial killers…my obsession

Now, this post is about something that fascinates me. Serial killers.

There are a larger number of females interested and fascinated by serial killers than males. To the point of writing mail, sending pictures, MARRYING them.

I am not THAT into it. But I LOVE reading every minute detail of their crimes, I love the photos and crime scenes. I love to hear their rantings and ravings, if they do that (unless its Charles Manson because he bores me to tears), or the reasons they give that motivated them to their crimes.

Serial killers can and cannot do a lot of things. Laws are in place so they cant profit from anything. That is totally justified in my view.

I dont think the victims families should make too much profit either.

In the documentary listed below, Serial Killer Culture, that ground is covered. It is the MEDIA and the local officials that boost the victims and families into trying to cash in on tragedies.

But, back on point…why are women so interested in these broken people? Granted, in some ways, some serial killers act in ways of pure genius. Its their egos that bring them down.

Personally, my own facination comes from my darkness within. All those sordid little secrets and fantasies. I dont act on them, but I do have the capacity. We’ve discussed my mental illnesses before. I have the ability to turn things off and on like a light switch. If I cant grasp an emotion, or proper response to something, I will fake it.

Oddly enough, I am more touched by cruelty to animals than I am to things like man against man, child abuse and the like. Animals are sacred to me. People are not.

Does this make me sound like a horrible person? I’m not, really. I am friendly, I can be caring. I just dont know how to react sometimes. But oh my god, do not show me someone hurting an animal. Be it a bird, cat, dog or even a mouse. When Fat Cat caught a mouse, she never killed it…she brought it to me. I’d take the little thing outside and set it free. Sure, an owl probably snatched it up as soon as I went back inside, but thats nature. Mother Nature is the only pure and acceptable, and perfect, serial killer.

The world is overpopulated. The governments are greedy and corrupt. There is hatred and loathing and apathy planet wide. People just plain suck in my opinion.

A person can be great. A small group can be fun. In masses they can be idiots.

I can see why some killers do the things they do. I can see their way of looking at things.

There are so many reasons behind every killer, however. Carl Panzram hated humanity. Charles Manson wanted to be, well, God, in a way. Jeffrey Dahmer wanted someone to love him and NEVER leave…but he also wanted them compliant to the point of death. H.H Holmes was a genius, educated and crafty. He wanted to be rich, and enjoyed the act of killing. He managed to do both for a time.

Spree killers are no fun to me. Rampage killers.

Serials killers are different. They are methodical. They rest. They plan. They repeat. However, they get sloppy.

Some of them, such as Ted Bundy, have a charm about them. Its easy to see, by his looks and charm, why women would be fascinated with him, even knowing what he did to all those young girls.

How anyone could fall in love with the likes of Charles Manson is beyond me. I am chalking it up to drugs. It cant be real, and if it is, W.T.F..

So, how many here can say they are fascinated with serial killers. Not just what you read or see on television, but actually buy the books, see the movies, get your grubby little hands on the FBI’s profile of the subject?

There used to be a wonderful site that I’d spend hours on…thecrimelibrary.com. Its gone now, or changed address. If its moved, I’d love to find it again.

Now, on with the film part of this writing.

Director John Borowski has a love of serial killers, and has made it the focal point of most of his films. Biographical documentaries.

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Director John Borowski

Mr. Borowski has made, thus far, 4 documentaries covering serial killers and the culture that loves them.

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H.H.Holmes: America’s First Serial Killer (2004)
 
Torture chambers, acid vats, greased chutes and gassing rooms were just some of the devices of death designed by the Torture Doctor, H.H. Holmes in his castle of horrors. Follows Holmes’ entire life as a criminal mastermind.


This documentary is factual, however, it was done on a low budget. Its hard to get through. It was Borowski’s first major project, however, so everyone starts somewhere.



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Albert Fish: In Sin He Found Salvation (2007)
 
 Albert Fish, the horrific true story of elderly cannibal, sadomasochist, and serial killer, who lured children to their deaths in Depression-era New York City. Distorting biblical tales, Albert Fish takes the themes of pain, torture, atonement and suffering literally as he preys on victims to torture and sacrifice. Includes interviews with artist and Odditorium owner, Joe Coleman, and true-crime author, Katherine Ramsland, Ph.D.


This documentary was top notch. Albert Fish was so brutal, an unabashed cannibal and sadist. Borowski brought this biography to the screen brilliantly. Facts, re-entactments, photos. It was wonderful.



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Carl Panzram: The Spirit of Hatred and Vengeance (2012)
The true story of lifelong criminal and serial killer, Carl Panzram who wrote his autobiography for a jail guard in 1928.


Borowski out-does himself once again. They biography is brilliant. The late Mr. Panzram had a hand in that, as in he was one of the first early serial killers who actually wrote his own biography. Some of what he wrote and told is up to speculation on whether or not he was exaggerating. Regardless, this man hated all of humanity.



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Serial Killer Culture (2014)
 
Serial Killer Culture examines the reasons why artists and collectors are fascinated by serial killers.


This was a great documentary, giving a little light on why people seem so interested in serial killers. The love of them, the fear of them. I believe 13 different artist, collectors and even a tour group cover Millwaki (Jeffrey Dahmer Tours) were featured. It was great to see the artwork serial killers created. It was great to see the artwork ARTISTs created from being interested in the killings and the killers. And the Tour Group…they didnt just give you all the gruesome stories of Jeffrey Dahmer…they give you history on the city itself. The buildings, the life. The whole documentary was very informative and entertaining.



Well, now that you’re all going to keep 10 paces from me and call me creep girl, I’ll let you go look these up on Netflix to give them a watch (Albert Fish is no longer available on the US Netflix)

😀

30 Day Challenge: Day 28

30 day challenge
Day 28: Do you wish for anything at 11:11? If so, what do you wish for?
I know this is a thing with some people. Not with me though. I mean, I just never look at the clock that much, and cant even remember when I’ve ever seen it on 11:11. Besides, that would be a 12 hour thing, and I tend to do the military time thing, so I’d only actually see 11:11 in the AM. I’m doing things, just dont pay attention.
I also dont believe in wishes much. Its the eternal pessimist in me.

30 Day Challenge: Day 25

30 day challenge
Day 25: Would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality?
I honestly go for the plain, with the amazing personality. I’m no trying to sound mean or against what is considered ‘beautiful’, but those who are, and know it, usually tend to be a bit shallow. I mean, come on, even in our 40’s and 50’s when all of us gather in a gaggle, we all turn in on this high school mentality again for some strange reason. ‘The cool kids’ whatnot.
I am no raving beauty, but I dont find myself ugly either. I’ve been told I am ‘humble’, and I am perfectly fine with that. I know my flaws, and I also know its in MY hands whether to change those flaws or not.
Some people who look or seem perfect are not. While on the outside, they are perfect and everyone wishes they were like them, on the inside that can be very ugly.
So, yes, give me a nice plain guy with an amazing personality any day. Looks fade. Personality is what matters. A persons personality only gets richer with time. Looks just leave and you get sagging and all those perfections erode away.

30 Day Challenge: Day 21

30 day challenge
Day 21: Turn on’s and off’s
Turn ons:
Cats
People who love cats
Big trucks and SUVs
Mens forearms. I dunno why. I find them sexy.
Cats
Coffee
Talking about cats and coffee
Having someone I can sit in total silence with and it not be awkward
A great smile.
Being alone. I am one of those people who is perfectly content being cut off from the outside world (as far as interacting with others). Give me high speed internet, my Rig or Laptop, my cat and my coffee and thats all I need.

++++

Turn offs:
Bad hygene
Bad teeth
Chewing with mouth open
Beards…facial hair period…dont like it much. It looks nice on quite a few guys that are sexy, just dont touch me with it.
Loud vehicles/motocycles: There is no reason on this earth I need to hear your vehicle/motorcycle from 2 miles away.
Children/babies
Dogs
Religious fanatics/bible thumpers
Politics
My coffee being too bitter
Green Bell Peppers
Pretty much people in general, but you all knew that.

30 Day Challenge : Day 15

30 day challenge
Half way done!

Day 15: A photo of someone you fancy at the moment

I don’t really ‘fancy’ anyone. I think I’ve made my feelings on people pretty clear… lol
I fancy my cat though. Luffs her. She’s awesome.

ChesterAnn AKA = FAT CAT
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From Christmas:

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Running: A short story (incomplete)

This is an incomplete story. I had started it a while back, in one of my games, but the game itself went under since no one was playing it. So, I never really got the chance to finish the story. This is another one I will probably revisit if I could remember the original theme. Its wasnt quite vampires, it was something out of the ordinary (for me at least), so, hopefully I’ll remember and can get this going as a small little series of sorts.

Enjoy!

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All I could think about was to keep running, keep hiding, and keep Gennifer safe. Something dreadful had happened, and I’m still trying to put the bits and pieces together, but with all this tiring running, constant hiding, and Gens unstoppable babble is splitting my head in two.
I drop to my knees, pulling Gennifer along with me, pressing my back against the wall taking deep breaths. My lungs feel funny. I feel like I’m just gulping air, and it’s doing nothing.
“He said we wouldn’t have to do that anymore, if we just accepted him. He said he really likes us…I guess on kinda that we’re twinnies. I liked him, I don’t know why you were so mean, why you fought. Gessy, I always say your mean streak gets us nowheres.”
I looked to Gennifer. Sweet Genny. We’re twins. Though something happened in the womb. It would appear I was dominant, taking all the nutrients for development. I was a big, well-formed baby. Poor Genny was so little. And her brain just never developed right. Her body grew up and out though. We are identical. We choose to live the identical lifestyle as well. Most of the time we dress the same, do our hair the same, etc. . . . But still…you can tell who is who. Genny is all soft, like a little lost dove. I have a harder edge to me. My ‘mean streak’ as Genny calls it.
And it appears my mean streak got us in a tussle or something tonight. Bits and pieces are coming back. I looked silently over at my sister, hoping she’ll talk, tell me what my mind is missing in current events.
Genny just crossed her arms and looked away. “I *wanted* to go with the man. He was nice and friendly. The man made you nervous though, and you know what you get like…all mean and grouchy. You hit him, hard.” Genny paused, looking around them at the graffiti walls. “You beat the shit out of him Gessy. It was only after he couldn’t get up that something stopped you. He whispered to you, I dunno what he said. Then the next thing I know is you screamed out and fell down, all this blood gushing from someplace. I got scared, I hid under a table.” Gennifer put her face down, embarrassment shown clear in the crimson stain across her cheeks. “I think I pee’d myself. I got so scared. But then the he came to me, touched my face all nice. He made me feel okay. He whispered things to me, I don’t really understand what…but there is a place we have to go to, to see him again. I wanna go, I know where to go.” Genny quieted once again.
“I feel funny, like I took drugs or something…did they give me drugs Genny?” I asked my little, by 3 minutes, sister.
Gennifer shook her head to her twin. “No, no drugs. And after you beat the man up, he just got back up again. I told you that. I was scared Gessy…I was hiding…but when he was gone, I came back out for you. You were all covered in blood and your neck was all gross and hanging open. I cried and cried. I lay down beside you because I didn’t know what to do…who would take care of me?” Genny was getting teary on me…when she got teary, she got whiney.
I moved and put my arm around her. “There, there. I’m here. But how am I here?” Gessica looked down at her clothing. Sure enough, they were covered in dried blood.
“You started moving, like, in your sleep. Your throat and neck just got better, even though there was blood everywhere. And you just opened your eyes, grabbed me, and we started running. I wanna go back to find that man Gessy. He’s a magical being or something. I can feel it deep inside me…you know my ‘feelin’s are usually spot on. I got a feelin’ bout this man. Maybe he can help us and we could have a for real home!” Genny spouted.
I put my hand on her thigh. “Settle down, Gen. You said this man did something to me and when you looked, my throat was all cut open? So not sure I want to find someone like that again.”
Gennifer suddenly stood up, her blue crystalline eyes shimmering. “That’s just it Gessica! We HAVE to go to him…he did something to you, and you need him now, and what he did, I want it too! YOU started this Gessica, you hafta make it right!”
Whoa…referring to me as ‘Gessica’. She only does that when she’s in an eerie state of clarity and feeling mature. And angry. I get up, brushing my behind off.
I put my hands up, stepping closer to my sister gently. “Okay Gennifer…okay. We’ll do what you want. And…Maybe this guy will find us sooner. Something is happening to me Genny…I smell things different. Hear and see things different.”
My sister just looked at me with her big beautiful eyes, waiting for me to go on.
“I can hear…smell…almost taste…the blood coursing through you…”