Interview with game developer Mike Voit

Please note, that is interview was given for the Bloodletting.org game. We used In Character names for some of those mentioned in the interview to protect their privacy.

 

1.    What was the inspiration to create Bloodletting?

The inspiration came from a game called Mafia.org. Very similar with forums for RP and the ability to kill those that piss you off. That game has morphed into a game called mafiareturns. But the original is where the inspiration came from. I couldn’t code so…in 2004 I met Dracula when he came to work in Virginia. We were both in the Air Force and stationed together there. I heard he could code and told him about my idea. He was sold instantly and we started developing the game. Two years later after lots of planning, taking time off to finish degrees and Dracula getting married, we launched the game. In its initial format, it resembled Damnation a lot more. Mafia.org was a one character – one death game. You die, you start over with a new character from the beginning.

 

2.    Where do you and the team get the inspiration for details on the gameplay from?

I get a lot of ideas from other games I play. I might sign up for a game and it sucks as bad as you can imagine but they have one feature that attracts me, so I start developing it for inclusion in BL. City Searches idea came from a game I played called HoboWars and FC tributes came from another vampire game I played for a bit. Other times I just get an idea and bounce it off of DK. If we both agree it will work, we add it.

 

3.    Do you speak with other game developers for ideas? Are other developers eager to provide input on things they’ve done and tried to help you along in creating your own unique twists?

The only developer I have ever worked with is the creator of mafiareturns. He used to be the main coder in mafia.org and I pitched him my idea for BL back in 2004. So he drove down to Virginia from Jersey and sat with me for the entire day loading php and mySQL on my computer so I could get started. Unfortunately I have no skill in coding, so the stuff just sat there until I met Dracula later that year.

 

4.    What idea came first for the game? The gameplay aspect, or the writing? What do you feel pulls at you the most?

They both were worked on concurrently. The appeal to me for mafia was the interaction in the forums. They had some phenomenal writers over there. Otter being one of them. So when I was designing the game I was approaching it from both angles. For those that wanted to write and those that wanted to smash buttons. I myself, have a love for the writing aspect of it and I try to create an environment that foments that activity.

 

5.    How has Arctic Moon Studios, and the people of Bloodletting, changed aspects of your life over the years?

Well AMS for one has brought me a great friendship in the form of DK and Dracula. DK and I used to do a lot of Theater in Virginia. Me acting, he Stage Managing. When I sent out a mass email to all my contacts in email asking them to sign up for the new game Drac and I had just developed, DK was one of the first ones to do so. I soon learned he could code and as a player he started assisting Drac and I. When we decided to form Arctic Moon Studios, we initially asked DK if he wanted to be a part of it. He said no and we were rightfully bummed out about it. Just before we registered the company however, we asked him again and he agreed. He has become one of my dearest friends. I even performed his wedding ceremony. All three of us regularly get together for trips and talk on the phone.

Bloodletting is another thing all together. We used to do regular BL meets throughout the country and had the chance to meet players at them. Stalker and Tala Hemming became early and close friends. Stalker is considered family. He came to my retirement and my father in law’s interment at Arlington cemetery. Edward Broccoli (sp?   Lol..Brollachan) and I have a venture we are working on. Otter and I used to talk regularly but then he discovered girls and jujitsu, Bastet writes to me all the time when I am deployed. I performed Mackenzie’s wedding ceremony. But there are sad moments that come with it as well. Mallory Quarters we met several years ago at the very first BL meet. She became a dear friend to both me and my wife. We went to New Orleans regularly and always stayed with her. When I got the call in late 2017 that she had passed away in her sleep, it was devastating. It’s sad whenever I learn we have lost a player, and there has been a few. But Jen (Mallory) was like family to us. In the early days of the game we had a player use an exploit in the source code to kill all of the other players in the game. We thought that was the end of Bloodletting. It was a brand new game, up only about a month. Luckily for us two things happened. First DK, who was still just a player that assisted with coding and database management, had backed up the server only a few hours earlier, mitigating the damage. Second, Jen (Mallory) made to enormous donations to the game so we could ensure the security of it. Jen was a very wealthy woman who made her fortune as one of the largest pumpkin farmers east of the Mississippi. She loved to game and she loved Bloodletting. My wife and I loved her and we miss her a lot. So when you see her online 24/7, that’s one of my tributes to my friend.

The player behind Lisbeth has become a great confidante for me over the years as well. I know I am forgetting people but it’s late here and I am fighting off a virus. Please don’t be offended if you don’t see yourself mentioned here.

The player behind Smith, I consider a friend. I was actually able to meet him in England several years ago and have a few beers with him.

Shenanoska, an old time player is a friend as well.

 

6.   Do you read all the stories posted? Has there ever been a storyline so moving, it stuck with you?

I wish! I used to read them all when there was just a few entries. But alas, life gets in the way. I do try to read as much as I can. I don’t think I could pick out one storyline. Even the poorly written ones are amazing in the fact that someone at least tried to create something.

 

7.    Characters come and go. Is there any that you truly miss seeing their antics?

I miss the troublemakers. The ones that want to start wars and execute the mundane. I miss the mother out of the Platypire in all honesty.

 

8.    You’ve had to make hard choices over the years when it come to the rules. Has anyone ever really threatened you due to their own violation of the rules? Do you get ‘hate mail’?

The only hate mail we ever got was from a player that we were working on a lot of projects with. She was so involved in every aspect of the game. Then one day we received a very nasty email from her that to this day I still have no idea what prompted it. We responded with our own letter telling her that what she said was highly unprofessional and she shouldn’t have made threats and demands to us. That led to her, her husband and at least one other player quitting for good. She posted our letter to her so we posted hers to show we weren’t randomly attacking her. I truly miss her presence in game. I used to talk with her all the time via video or phone and she was just a bubbly personality. I have no idea what prompted the letter from her in the first place.

I have sent a threatening message to a player. The one that exploited the code. I sent him an email letting him know I had no issue driving to his house and beating the  **** out of him in front of his parents. I included his home address so he knew I wasn’t BSing.

Former players have posted unkind words on FB. But that’s about it.

 

9.   Over the years, you and the team have implemented new and exciting things for the Realm and its players. However, something new, and much bigger, seems to be coming for 2019; you’ve dropped a few hints to many things. Just how many things are on the horizon for 2019? Can you give us some specifics…please? Pretty please?

Houses are going to become more important. Potions are being developed. Special features and areas are in the works for the level 20s. Skills are being developed. One thing people have to keep in mind though, is that it is just DK and I really. I do have Smith assisting me on a project and Dracula has indicated he wants to get more involved. But we are limited in personnel and resources. If people want to see features roll out faster, they need to keep their Alts legal. In the past I haven’t been as strict on that rule, but when we had to make a decision earlier this year whether to keep going because of lack of funds, I had to get more on top of the illegal Alt situation.

 

Thank you Mike, for giving me your time and for all you do for everyone on Bloodletting!

New Year with Cheezy Horror Flix

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So I have been ringing in the new year with some of the most horrible Horror Movies ever. I have a rather large list, but just today I watched this series of movies, Bad Ben, Steelmanville Road (prequel) and Badder Ben.

They were just awful, yet enthralling. The f/x were way laughable. The premise was hilarious. They characters themselves were worth a chuckle because the acting was so terrible.

The reason I stuck it out on these horrid movies was because I am a die hard ‘found footage’ movie fanatic. I love found footage movies. I have watched quite a few of them, going off of a list I found online. Some of the best ones out there, however, are subtitled due to being foreign films. I hate having to read a movie…too much chance I will visually miss something important.

We had a lovely Christmas and New Years in my household, and over this past weekend I got to meet my daughters future in-laws. They are great, and we will come together to build a fantastic family.

I have been trying to get the cats to take a picture of them in my carry on bag and duffel bags. Normal, they would be all fighting for who gets to sit in them. Now, when I want a picture of it, they are blatantly ignoring them. Little turds.

Things seem to be nice, quiet and happy here of late, and I am really enjoying it. I sent a bunch of mail out in December. Cards and letters. I got a lot in return as well. I love my pen pals. And my email buddies. Its nice to have more than just the cats to talk to, because they always turn out ignoring me to lick various parts of their bodies, or looking at me in that ‘I am cat, I am judging you’ way.

More to come soon. Been working on a few writing pieces here and there. Gaming a lot. We are at war, so that’s always fun!

Be sweet, my lovelies.

Memorial Day…My thoughts…

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Today is the US Holiday of Memorial Day, to remember those of the military who gave their lives in the duty of their country.

Now, I am from a military family. My dad was Army, my husband was Army and my brother is currently in the Army. My daughter is about to join the Air Force.

They are all still alive. All of them have been in the war zone, however, and have seen their fellow soldiers fall.

Today is not to be all about BBQs and swimming and fun. Sure, those things can be had, but its also about remembering what has been given from all branches of the military.

Some enlist for financial reasons, some enlist for a true calling to be in the military and its way of life. Trust me, being raised and married to the military is an experience like none other.

Take a moment of the day to think about ALL the lives lost. Some of our soldiers, men and women, some barely out of their teens, have died serving in wars that we may not have really gotten involved in. (I wont bring politics into this).Its senseless death. But they should be honored for their sacrifice, for following their leaders. They gave an oath and upheld that oath to the highest degree.

Have a safe and happy day, and to those of you who have served or are currently serving, bless you all.

Love you all, my sweets!

Mental Illness from my perspective

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I suffer from many disorders of the mind. Chemical imbalances, terrible phobias, psychotic tendencies.

Back in the day, the mid 80’s, the medical world did not have the aptitude for mental illness that it does now, so, as my mental illnesses emerged and ran rampant in my early and mid-teens, I received more disapproving looks and glares than actual help.

There is nothing more painful than a 15 year old who has been cutting for a few years to overhear a shrink tell your parents it’s a cry for ‘attention’. They also dumped the blame on my mother, who was riddled with guilt for years thinking she had done something wrong in raising me. Cutting and self-mutilation are not cries for help. There is actually a chemical reaction within the brain that cutting and pain produces, while also the act of pain itself is an indicator that you can indeed feel, and it feels good.

One of my suicide attempts at 16 landed me in the hospital for a good while. Do you know what the therapy consisted of? The doctors yelling at me and threatening me to straighten up and fly right and quit being a ‘brat’. This same mentality also deems suicide as ‘selfish’. Suicide is not a selfish action. If someone commits suicide, it was not for selfish reasons or to hurt those who cared for them. It is a release from all that is twisted and broken on the inside.

To this day, one of my nearest and dearest tries to argue that I am selfish for even entertaining suicidal thoughts. It hurts when you can’t change a stigma. However, I am honest in my feelings when asked.

I wear many scars of my cutting. I’ve hand many trips to the ER because I let things get out of my control. My best friend gets sad when she looks at my scars. She, however, does not lecture. She empathizes the best she can. Most of my friends do. I don’t have many friends, really, a bare handful that I will sit down with face to face. I like my friends to be pen pals or online friends due to my own quirks that society doesn’t deem acceptable.

I had a complete nervous breakdown in 2004. With that mental collapse came acute agoraphobia. I stayed inside, rarely even leaving the bedroom. I had my nest there…all my needed things. Computer, books and all my comforts.

Getting me to leave the house for something important, such as a doctor’s appointment, when I finally gave in to see one, took nearly a month to plan. Part of agoraphobia and social anxiety is ‘mapping your route’. In my ‘mapping’ I refused left hand turns. I know this sounds so illogical, but this is simply one instance of how my mind works and copes with things.

Through therapy and medicine, my agoraphobia is more under control. I mean, look…I am teaching classes at the local library. I’ve been to Arizona and New Mexico several times to see my best friend. Yes, I am medicated throughout the journey, but the point is…I am leaving my comfort zone.

Speaking of ‘comfort zones’, I have carefully and painstakingly crafted my own personal room within my house. It was once the garage, but the original owners turned it into a sunken den sort of thing. It’s very big. I could put a bed in here if not for all my bookcases and swords and general (very odd) toys. Everything has its place. When anyone else comes in here and moves something, it irritates me to no end. Others may see this room as just an office, but to me it is so much more. This is my haven. And when I say I don’t spend any time in any other place in the house, I am being completely honest. I recently purchased a new living room suit with the intent of spending more time in the living room enjoying movies and whatnot with the family. It’s been two months now, that has yet to happen.

Obviously I am getting better at social situations, so long as they are controlled, like the classes I teach at the library. Though, don’t call me up and say ‘how about I introduce you to some of my friends and we go out for dinner?’ That would be a no. I have one close friend here locally that I will meet up with for coffee, or go to our favorite lunch spot. Sometimes with nothing more than a few hours’ notice. That’s a huge step for me. An accomplishment.

A large part of going out west to see my best friend and going down to Dothan to meet with my other close friend is that they empathize. They have taken the time to know me and understand me, and would never ask anything of me that would tax my limits. These people are rare and very much loved by me. They ask questions sometimes, to better understand things, and that’s good! It shows me they want to know the limits and they are looking out for my comfort levels.

One thing I am not in control of, despite the heavy medications, is my bipolar disorder. When I am in a manic high, well…its best to lock me in a room with no sharp objects and let me talk a lot, because I tend to get very chatty and animated. When I am in a down, you will be lucky to get me out of my room. I tend not to take care of myself as well. No sleep, no food, I neglect personal hygiene to a point. I am just utterly sad and feel so very alone. It’s painful.

When my bipolar disorder gets out of whack, so does my schizophrenia. I hear things. Sometimes just awful things. I used to see things a lot, but not so much anymore. I may see a flutter or shadow from my peripheral vision. Hearing the voices though…that’s something I can definitely do without. My meds usually keep me on a pretty even keel, and when I do slide up or down, it’s not as terribly drastic as before the meds.

I also have severe depression with psychotic tendencies. Pretty self-explanatory.

I feel things very deeply sometimes. It really depends on what it is. I have little empathy for the population at large. However, don’t ever let me see animal abuse.

Most of the time, I take criticism very well. I mean, you have to when you are a writer or artist. You are under scrutiny. I’ve tried to take all my reviews that were less than favorable as learning experiences.

However, someone in a game I play said my writing was ‘underwhelming’. I have not written anything on that site since. I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel ashamed. I feel as if the whole community on that site is sitting back looking at everything I’ve ever written there (we’re talking 15 years of stories) and just grimacing as they read my words. It’s like a wound that just won’t close…it keeps bleeding and bleeding…and it only took one person to inflict it and drive me away.

As with most people that are on a lot of medications, when I am feeling good and happy, I tend to think I don’t need the meds. Huge mistake. I will admit, when I have a writing piece that needs to be done, or, say, NaNoWriMo is here, I will only take half doses of my bipolar meds, because yes, they honestly make me feel a little zombie-like. I am a very doped up person. In this little cheat time when I half my daily dose, it takes maybe a week before I start sliding up or down. In cases of an event like NaNoWriMo it is pretty solid that I will slip into a manic high.

I have admitted this all to my psychiatrist, and now every three months he orders blood work to check my Depakote serum levels. Damn it…he makes it hard to cheat!!

Another little thing I learned is to come up with tales of how I got hurt and need stitches. I used to be honest with the ER. Then my record made them stricter with me. They put me in a room to be stitched up, but they take my shoes, keys, purse, phone and even my water! So, the last time I did go to the ER, I had a wild tale as of how something sliced my arm.

I don’t know why I still cut. Sometimes, the thought just comes into my head and before I know it, I’m sitting there with a bloody rag and a feeling of calm. A serene calm. Other times, when I am manic, it seems to be a focal point for me, because my brain can’t seem to grasp hold of any one thing for more than a moment.

Are mental illnesses curable? No, I don’t think so. They are treatable, however. It takes a while. I’ve been trying and changing medications over the course of the last…almost 15 years or so. Hell, I was just changed to a new anti-depressant last month. It’s working, too! My Depakote has to be adjusted a lot though, it seems.

I think I am trying to make a point with this post…

If you know someone who seems like their struggling, try to help them. I know insurance and the cost of everything makes it very hard for people to get the treatment they need and the meds. Having good friends makes a lot of difference, too. Be a support system. If you suspect someone is hurting themselves, do not admonish them for it. Try to talk to them. Get to the heart of it. I have 4 people right at this very moment, at 3am, that I could call and they would not be grumpy or grouchy that I called them and woke them up. They would talk to me, ease me, their words would be meaningful and gentle and encouraging for me not to hurt myself. They would be there even if I just needed to cry. And I hate crying.

Mental illness is not a fad. Yes, I know there are people out there who claim to have illnesses that they don’t for the attention or benefits, but not everyone. In this day and age, depression is on the rise. When people do seek help, you aren’t just prescribed something and everything turns out fine and dandy. My first round of meds sent me so far out of control it was scary. A lot of the treatment is trial and error until you find something that fits with your body and brains chemical disposition.

Well, I’ve just rambled on, haven’t I?

In addition to the brain, my body is currently out of sorts as well. I took a trip to my family practice doc on Monday for a chest cold. I have COPD, so I don’t play when it comes to chest colds. Turns out I have myself a case of bronchitis. Antibiotics and cough syrup with codeine in it and I am still feeling like poo two days later. I get hot and then cold, I can’t sleep.

To top all that off, its pollen season here in the good old south. Everything outside is covered in a layer of yellow pollen. Allergies Ahoy!!! And with the pollen and nice temps, come all the bugs of the South. Ew.

The kittehs are all doing great. The kitten is growing well, though I think he is stunted from his time being lost and alone and eating nothing but bugs and stuff until my best friend found him.

Since cats are cats, and not all of mine get along, I can’t get a nice group photo. So, I think this weekend I will enlist the help of the daughter in setting up a nice background and sitting each cat up for a photo. Try to make it look all professional. Cyd and Siefer would sit together, and BaxterMarie would sit with Jeff. Any of the cats would sit with Jeff…he’s cool with everyone. However, little Spencer thinks it’s always playtime, so that’s going to be a challenge. And Quinny won’t sit still with anyone. Wow…this is starting to sound like a task…lol.

It has been almost 30 days since my last blog entry. For that, I am sorry. I lose readership and that’s sad, and totally my fault.

I have thought long and hard about even writing on this particular subject. It’s filled my mind every day, while I play with the cats, rearrange my office for the millionth time, read, write and put together my new computer. Oh, yes…new computer. Thank the stars above that I am super paranoid about losing my documents, programs, pictures and music. Everything is backed up on both Dropbox and an external hard drive…I didn’t lose a thing. And the new PC is awesome.

I’ll close this up by encouraging you to think things over, maybe open up some discussion in the comments.

I’m going to strive harder to not let 30 days pass without an entry again. It’s time to share some stories!

Family…

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The above picture is of my mother with the late great Fat Cat.

My mom, dad and little sister all live in Guatemala. They went there like, almost 20 years ago. My little sis was only 16 and is now all grown up with 2 daughters. I don’t think she is even an American citizen anymore, and is fine and dandy with it. She speaks the language down there fluently, as do her children.

I don’t have a picture of my little sister, but take my word, she is absolutely beautiful, and her girls are too.

The reason for this post is to keep you aware of the hardships of being so far away from family.

My little sister has tried and tried to have more children. She is allowed to have three children in the district of Guatemala she lives in. She has had loads of pregnancies, some she carried and had to deliver, but they did not survive.

The last child she carried and delivered (again, not surviving) they took note of spots in her uterus and growths on her ovaries. They did a biopsy. And tons of blood work. Remember, Guatemala is a ‘third world country’. Getting work done may be cheap, but they don’t have the means to do it efficiently.

And in that loss of efficiency you lose the lower cost. The medical bills are piling up as more tests are ordered.

My parents live off of my father military retirement and social security. My sister’s husband is an EMT. That’s not a lot of money to live on, let alone get extensive medical care, tests and treatment.

I am going to venture to ask, if you can, to donate via my PayPal link, to send some help to my family. I send what I can every month, my best friends sends money weekly and my older sister is putting lump sums in every two weeks. It’s just not amounting to enough.

I wanted to start a ‘GoFundMe’ page, but my mother would be livid. She always says its tacky. So, I am asking as a personal favor. (and my mom doesn’t look at my webpage often to see this…lol…she is more about games and reading when it comes to her computer…and she’s not to swooft on my style of writing, as in the horror stories and smut..lol).

So, if you could help out, that would be great and you’d have our deepest thanks. My PayPal link is on my static page. (zoeambler.com)

The news in my own household could be summed up as depressing. Its me entirely. I am just in a slump, moody, mopey. I did win 2nd and 4th in a writing contest, that raised my spirits for all of 30 minutes.

The kittehs are all doing fabulously. Never a dull moment.

I have been a little lax on writing back to my pen pals. Its like I don’t want to get out of bed and put on my people suit and be a person. Blah.

I guess not being able to physically be there when my mom cries is getting to me. We talk on Skype and she is so down. I hate it.

But, as a family, we are trying to do everything we can…those of us that live here in the US and those in Guatemala.

Wish the best for my sister, please?

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November 2016 Day 25

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Day after Thanksgiving, I’m tired, I’m hung-over. Feeling every bit sluggish. My office is in a state that is unacceptable to me and its really working on my last OCD nerve – however, they are not my items to be moving and re-organizing and cleaning up, they belong to a guest. I have to pull in those negative feelings about ‘my space’ and how I like it to be kept. However, very soon it won’t be an issue. I have ordered a portable storage barn for the backyard. Everything that is jammed packed into my third bedroom will be going in there, and my semi-permanent houseguest will have their own room and office desk in that room and the use of my drafting table in there, so that my own personal office space will be mine once again. Thank goodness for that, because I am two ticks away from losing my shit.

So, on to todays BlogHer prompt:
Nov. 25: What do you think we could all do better with if we looked at it with a child’s eyes?

Everything. Honestly, everything.

Children of a particular age have no use for racism, discrimination and hate in their little lives. They live life to the fullest with no political/religious/social ends. The world is clear and free to them. All they want is safety, security and to be themselves.

Everything would be richer and fuller. The world would be filled with more kindness toward everyone and everything. We would have the grand scale of beauty in raw form in art and literature. Our minds would be free and not polluted with the little things they are filled with today as adults. The muck that muddles the mind.

It would all be appreciated more by the world at large.

November 2016 Day 11

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Its an US Holiday today, and I allowed myself some time to lay in bed just stretching out my back and thinking over all I need to get done word-count wise for NaNo.

 

Once I got up and met with my lover (coffee) we had a discussion over where we are going with the novel for NaNo and then the words just flowed. 2683 in words today, bringing me over the 25k mark to 26668. Nice.

 

BlogHers blog prompt gave me more trouble, however. I didn’t know what ‘relationship’ to base my answers on. My ex, my daughter, my best friend?

 

So here is todays BlogHer prompt:

Nov. 11: What are five funny (but real) things your current relationship has taught you? (note: because I cant think at the moment, I have decided to split this up between my male, my daughter, and my best friend. There are funny things about all.)

 

1.     Men: No matter how old they are, no matter how ‘well off’ they are financially, no matter how mature they are – all men leave skid marks in their underwear.

2.     Daughters: No matter how old they are, what profession they chose to study, how many relationships they’ve gone through – they will always come back to momma, and the rule that they always come back with more than they left the nest with is true. Only, instead of children (grandchildren) my daughter has brought home a boyfriend and a best friend. I am tripping over bodies in this house.

 3.     Best Friends: You can live thousands of miles away, and they always know when something wrong. When together, the two of you are bad ass alcohol swilling wenches with foul mouths and ultra-attitudes that are full of confidence – unless there is some sort of small caterpillar like bug on the floor to which you both try to avoid, get near tears, until one of you takes a half of a roll of paper towels to pick that damn thing up and squeal while tossing it in the garbage.

 4.     Best Friends: No matter how worldly your best friend is (having traveled to Canada, Argentina and France) – she can come visit you in your home town and have no idea what the locals are saying with our thick southern accents, therefor looking at you pleadingly to translate.

 

5.     Men: Again, no matter how well off they are in life, age catches up to them all. Joking about how they’ve ‘lost that great ass and look like a bullfrog wearing britches’ will make that grown ass man nearly wibble to tears over the loss of that one great ass.

 

 

I know this wasn’t the proper way to work this prompt, but I really got stuck on it and just sort of winged it to fit me personally. I hope you enjoyed it.

Since BlogHer doesn’t supply prompts for Saturdays and Sundays, I will be substituting short stories in their stead! I have some wonderful story prompts to work with, so hopefully things will be fresh and new in my writing.

Or perhaps I’ll give some excerpts from Book Two, which I’m working on now!

November 2016 Day 10

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Today I managed a very weird word count on my NaNoWriMo. I managed 2222 word count. I’m pleased with it though. I will admit, however, that the words and ideas are flowing a little slower than I would like. I can see the scenes and talks in my head, I just can’t seem to translate them onto the word document well. And its only day 10. ~face palms~ Oh, well. I’ll keep plugging away at it.

Now, onto the BlogHer NaBloPoMo prompt for today:

Nov. 10: Did you celebrate or commemorate your divorce or a significant breakup? Would you ever?

 

I did celebrate my divorce. Looking back on it now, twenty years later, I regret my actions and immaturity.

 

On the day I received my papers back from the judge and everything was official, I went straight away with changing my last name back to my maiden name. ON EVERYTHING.

 

Then, I went to work, did a little woohoo with my few friends and when the store closed for the night, we (a very large group of us) all went to the local bar we frequented and had ourselves a party. Tequila shots (my favorite) bad dancing and even worse Karaoke.

 

I kept up the party girl single mom out whenever I could routing for a few months before it got old. I tried dating. NOPE. So, I started doing other things. I put my time into my relationship with my daughter, worked on my cake decorating skills, focused on art and writing more and spent a lot of time at my parents.

 

Now-days, things are very different. That man I had divorced has grown up, become responsible, and we depend on each other for various things. I know I can depend on him, our daughter can depend on him.

 

I DO regret my past actions. But, I was young and stupid. I’ve matured and can look back at the many errors in my ways back then.

 

So, today, even though the prompt was kind of a downer, for me, things turned out wonderful in the end with years to form a fantastic relationship with the father of my daughter. He’s a good man. He wears his heart on his sleeve a lot, and gets hurt a lot, but I’m always there for me, no matter what.

 

I think that qualifies as a happy ending of sorts.

 

Be sweet, my lovelies

November 2016 Day 9

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So, my word count is steadily moving along quite nicely. While I was in pool therapy today I was just overwhelmed with ideas and things to rework my novel for NaNoWriMo. I came home, took a shower, got my coffee and a snack and set right to work. I managed 2990 in words today. Not bad if I do say so myself. That gives me a total word count of 21763 so far! GO ME!

 

Todays BlogHer.com prompt is:

Nov. 9: What do you want to say to Hillary Clinton today?

 

Really? Honestly? Nothing much other than you’re a woman and you gave it a good try. Most people know I am not into all the political stuff, and I never discuss politics. Political debates are not my thing, and following politics isn’t my thing.

 

I know next to nothing about Hilary Clinton other than what shows up in news feeds. I don’t think I understand her workings to offer up anything to say to her, neither good nor bad.

 

I know it’s wrong of me to take that sort of stance, seeing as this year’s election seems like such a heated one and everyone is saying ‘you should go vote!!!’. Well, stop telling me what to do. I don’t like anything I’ve heard about Trump lately, but that stuff works both ways. There are things Hilary has said and done that don’t jive with me either. And at the same time, both have their merits.

 

That sums up things on that front.

 

So, I abstain from this question for the most part.

 

Zoe doesn’t discuss politics or religion with the general public, even if its is a ‘what if’ scenario.

 

Be sweet, my lovies!

November 2016 Day 6

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So, another day with no prompt from NaBloPoMo, however, I do have something to blog about that has a little more meat on its bones than yesterday. Yesterday, you’ll have to forgive me for that, I was just plain exhausted.

Todays word count on working with NaNoWriMo has reached 2178 giving me a total of 14809 so far. Woo. Go me!!!

So, the other day as I hosted a Write In for NaNoWriMo at a local library, one of the people in attendance wanted to talk politics and religion. I NEVER talk about either. I don’t care about either, and when it comes to politics, I just am not educated enough to toss my hat into a debate.

Anyway, my mental health was brought up into things somehow. This woman had the audacity to tell me mental health issues were basically a ‘sham’ putting people on expensive medications and whatnot. And my schizophrenia symptoms, such as the auditory hallucinations, were actually demons, because I didn’t believe in one supreme god.

Really, lady? Really?

I ended the conversation by doing something incredibly Zoe-like like dropping something… Or actually maybe someone had texted me at just the right time… I don’t specifically remember at this moment.

Yesterday… same person… The library hosted a Publishing seminar as told by two different authors’ perspectives. After the first speaker, I retreated to my truck for a quick smoke break… she followed, then commenced with bashing and criticizing the first speaker. She just didn’t understand the concept the first speaker was trying to convey, that was no reason to bash the woman simply because you didn’t get the gist of things.

Ugh. Close minded people. ‘Pushy’ people. They irritate me. But I have to be nice and smiley because I am representing both the library system and NaNoWriMo.

I also pitched to the library system that I would love to host a Creative Writing seminar a could of times a year leading up to NaNoWriMo. I think it would be both good for me and working through my social anxiety, but it would also draw more of the public in, and hopefully gain a few more members come November for NaNo.

Whew. My mind has been running non stop. I am still mentally exhausted. I won’t even talk about the weird dream I had when I first woke up from my nap. Too weird, and for me, a tad heartbreaking. We’ll save that for another time.

So be well, my lovelies!

~squishes~